I often ask, “What are the two greatest gifts you can give or receive?” when facilitating a leadership training session. Over the span of 10-15 minutes, a whiteboard is gradually filled with answers.
“A dream vacation,” a well-intentioned person will answer.
“A new car [or home, or pool, or television],” others will answer.
“A weekend away without kids,” an exhausted mother of three will pleadingly utter.
“Unconditional love”, answered after the typical answers are given.
“We are starting to get warm!” I will teasingly reply.
“Listening” and “Understanding.” Occasionally a group will come up with one, but rarely both. Two words that are easy to comprehend, but oh so difficult to implement in daily life.
For healthcare professionals, these two words are not just important, they are vital. If a healthcare professional is unable to listen effectively, then understanding is virtually impossible, which ultimately compromises care.
Listening and understanding are skills that can be invested into, practiced, and improved. Taking each in turn, let’s look at listening.
LISTENING. What is effective listening? How can you become a better listener? Four words to help you on your journey toward becoming a more effective listener.
- Focus. Remove all distractions when someone starts talking to you. Silence your mobile phone, or better yet, turn it off. If you wear a watch that receives alerts, turn off alerts or take off your watch. If you are taking notes on a computer, make eye contact and face the patient, and then turn and take notes on the computer. Taking notes on the computer while talking and not making eye contact communicates a lack of empathy and concern. The point is this, removing distractions—both physical and mental—communicates three very important messages: They’re your priority in this moment, you care about what they’re saying, and you want to help them.
- Comprehension. It is so easy to assume that you have a complete and full picture of what is being communicated to you, but this is where many conflicts occur in listening. Taking the time to verify that what you heard, or think you heard, is critical at this stage of the listening process. The temptation is to assume you know and then jumping to “respond,” or giving feedback. The “comprehension” stage means taking the time to verify complete comprehension. Asking questions such as, “May I repeat back to you what I think I heard?” or, “Could I please summarize in my words what I think you said to make sure I have it?” This is also a time to ask for additional clarity or examples by asking questions such as, “Could you please say more about that?” or “Do you have an example of what you are saying so I can understand more fully what you are saying?” This is not the stage to make judgment statements, evaluate what was said, correct the speaker, or interrogate. This stage is for asking clarifying and comprehension questions of “what,” “how,” or “when,” but not “why.”
- Acceptance. This is often the most difficult stage of the listening process. The key with the “accept” stage is remembering that “accept” is not the same as “agree.” Accepting means that you accept that what the other person is saying is reasonable, believable, and valid to that person. It may not make any sense to you whatsoever and you may disagree vehemently with what they are saying, but this is not the stage to voice your disagreement or your bewilderment. This stage is all about acknowledging that what they have said makes sense to them and is valid to them. Saying something like, “Okay, I think I fully comprehend what you have said. Would you agree with that? Thank you for sharing your perspective with me; it is obvious to me that you feel deeply about this,” communicates that you have heard the person fully, you see them for who they are, and you accept their perspective—even if you do not agree or it does not make sense to you.
- Respond. Finally, the stage where the conversation turns to you. The key is to keep the conversation moving forward, not shutting it down. Saying something like, “Well, I completely disagree with everything you just said,” or, “How did you ever come up with something as far-fetched as what you just said,” will shut down the conversation immediately. Instead, offering a response such as, “Thank you for sharing your perspective with me. May I offer my perspective?” or, “May I offer an alternative perspective to what you have shared?” These responses communicate that you esteem the other person and while you may not agree or see things as the other person sees them, you did not dismiss their perspective as being invalid or wrong; you simply offered your perspective as an alternative viewpoint.
The results of effective listening, however, lead to healthier relationships, trust, and greater respect and admiration for one another. Effective listening is also a foundational pillar of “understanding.”
UNDERSTANDING. Effective listening lays the groundwork for understanding. Understanding means knowing, seeing, and valuing someone just as they are—strengths and weaknesses, perfections and imperfections, successes and failures. Understanding is asking someone to share their story, perspective, point of view, and details of their life, and then employing the skill of effective listening to fully understand the other person. Patients come to healthcare professionals in a vulnerable state, experiencing hurt, pain, and discomfort. It is a powerful gift when a healthcare professional takes the time to listen and fully understand to provide the best care possible.
Listening. Understanding. Two of the greatest gifts that one human can give to another. As healthcare professionals, it is critical to be the most effective listener possible and to understand those that seek help on their life’s journey. To be anything less than an effective listener and strive to fully understand someone would be a waste of time and much worse, would waste the time and money of those who come seeking help and counsel.
